Feeling a little crabby? Need a good line? Read this ultimate list of fish puns and mullet over.
You’ll feel fintastic!
The more terrible they are, the better you’ll feel.
Ah, we’re just squidding around. You betta start reading. Water you waiting for? Let’s dive into this wonderfully terrible fish jokes and puns list.
It doesn’t take a brain sturgeon to enjoy these. You’re krilling me, man! Stop carping around and get to reading!
Puns You’ve Gotta Sea
Hang in there while I take you through some funny fish puns.
Why do fish always lose their court cases? They are always gill-ty.
Why did the fisherman start doing drugs? Pier pressure.
Have you heard about the Sauna that serves food? Their specialty is steamed mussels.
What did the fish say at the end of the interview? Let minnow when you want me to start.
Why did the restaurant sell bad fish? Long time no sea.
Why can’t fish have romantic relationships? They are scared of intima-sea.
Why was the Japanese fish so bashful around his crush? He was feeling koi.
What is the difference between a fish and a piano? You might tune a piano, but you can never tuna fish.
What did the fish say to his girlfriend when they split up? I’m outta this plaice.
What do you call it when a fish has no eye? A fsh.
What was the fisherman always so stingy? Because his work made him sell-fish.
Why is a fisherman so stingy? Because his work made him sell-fish.
Jokes that’ll Keep You Reeling for Days
Good fish puns? Bad fish puns? What’s the difference? They’ll krill us all with laughter.
What do you call a fish that destroys Japan? Codzilla.
What do fish need to stay healthy? Vitamin Sea.
Which day do fish hate? Fry-day.
Why did they throw the clams out? They were past their shell-by-date.
What bit of fish doesn’t make sense? The piece of cod that passeth all understanding.
Why don’t fish go into business together? They are always sole traders.
What makes fish terrible journalists? They always spread hake news.
What sea creatures cry the most? Whales.
What does the Rasta fish love? Sea weed.
What is a dolphin’s favorite TV show? Whale of fortune.
Why did the little boy not eat his sushi? Because it looked too fishy.
Where do fish go to do yoga? The river bend.
What is the world’s most expensive fish? The goldfish.
Why did the pufferfish call herself fat? Because she was fishing for compliments.
Did you hear about the illiterate fisherman? He was lost at C.
Why don’t fish like going online? Because they’re scared of the net.
What party game do fish like to play? Salmon Says.
What fish goes up the river at 100 mph? A motor pike.
What did the guppy say when she ran into a concrete wall? Oh, dam!
Why are fish great coders? They know how to trawl through the data.
What did the fish say when his relationship started to flounder? Halibut we chat about it?
Why wasn’t the shark sad about his breakup? Because there’s plenty more fish in the sea.
Did you hear about the fight in that restaurant? Four fish were battered.
What’s the difference between a lawyer and a catfish? One is a scum-sucking scavenger; the other is just a fish.
Cute Fish Puns That’ll Choke You Up on the Line
How about some cute fish puns the kids will appreciate? Or at least a few birthday fish puns they’ll hate?
Where do fish wash? In a river basin.
What happens when you mix salmon and Nutella together? You get salmonella.
What kind of fish plays the guitar? Bassist.
Where do you find a down-and-out octopus? On squid row.
What type of instrument do fish love to play? A bass drum.
What do you say to a fisherman on his birthday? Hope you have a reely good day!
Which fish go to heaven when they die? Angelfish.
What do you get if you cross an abbot with a trout? Monkfish.
What do you call a smelly fish? A stink ray.
How do fish go into business? The start on a small scale.
What side of the fish contains the most scales? The outside.
What did the fish say when everyone left his party? Tanks for coming.
What do sea monsters eat? Fish and ships.
Why did the fish get bad grades? Because it was below sea level.
What is grouchy and lives alone in the ocean? A hermit crab.
Why do fish swim in schools? Because they can’t walk.
What do you call an underwater social network? Fishbook.
What is the fish’s favorite sitcom? Tuna Half Men.
What do you call a fish that can give you a face-lift? A plastic sturgeon.
How does a school of fish keep up to date about sea-life? They listen to the current news.
Why did the fish go to Hollywood? He wanted to be a starfish.
What is the best name for a fish? Bob.
What kind of fish only swims in hot oil? Fish sticks.
Did you hear about the newlywed shark couple? They’re swimming along nicely.
What do you get when you cross a fish and an elephant? Swimming trunks.
Where do fish sleep? In a waterbed.
Where does a fish store all its money? In the river bank.
Who keeps the ocean clean? A mermaid.
What did the sardine say when it saw the submarine? It’s a tin of people.
What did Dorothy the fish say? There’s no plaice like home.
Why do fish companies never work? They always have to scale back.
What fish only swims at night? A starfish.
Why do fish hate playing basketball? Because they are afraid of the net.
How do fish walk? On their soles.
What was the Tsar of Russia’s favorite fish? Tsardines.
What is the best way to communicate with a fish? Drop it a line.
What do you get when you cross a mink with an octopus? A coat of arms.
What do you get from a bad-tempered shark? As far away as possible.
Why did the woman make tons of fish-eye soup? Because it will see her through the week.
Why did Robin and Batman stop fishing together? Robin kept eating all of the worms.
How do fish go from hole to hole when they play golf? With a golf carp.
What part of a fish weighs the most? Its scales.
Why are fish such intelligent creatures? Because they swim in schools.
How do you keep a fish from smelling? Plug its nose.
What is the most expensive kind of fish? A goldfish.
What happens when you mix a fish and a banker? You get a loan shark.
Why did the whale cross the road? To get to the other tide.
Why wouldn’t the crab share her toys? She was too shellfish.
Why couldn’t Noah fish when he was on the ark? Because he only had two worms.
What is a fish’s favorite pair of sunglasses? Ray Bans.
What game do fish like playing the most? Name that tuna.
What musical instrument can catch fish? Castanets.
What’s weirder than seeing a cat fish? Seeing a goldfish bowl.
How does an octopus go to war? Well-armed.
What kind of fish chase mice? Catfish.
What happened to the shark who swallowed a bunch of keys? He got lockjaw.
What do you call a fish that needs help singing? Autotuna.
Why is it so easy to weigh a fish? Because it always has its own scales.
Why do fish like to eat worms all the time? Because they are totally hooked on them.
Why did the fish live at the bottom of the ocean? She dropped out of school.
What did the fish say when he heard something funny? You’re Kraken me up.
Why do fish live in saltwater? Pepper makes them sneeze.
What type of fish is the most famous serial killer? Jack the Kipper.
How do you avoid an infection from biting piranhas? Don’t bite them.
What does a fish wear on its shoulders to stay warm at night? A shoal.
Where do little fish go each day? They go to plaiceschool.
How do you ride a chariot underwater? With a seahorse.
What kind of fish is known for writing books? Salmon Rushdie.
What type of money do fishmongers make? Net profits.
Why are goldfish orange? Because the water makes them rusty.
What do you call a fish that drinks too much? A beer-acuda.
What is a fish’s favorite James Bond film? License to Krill.
How do you take a shellfish to a hospital? You use a clambulance.
What swims in the ocean, has a machine gun and always makes offers that you can never refuse? The Codfather.
Who is a fish’s favorite actress? Marlin Dietrich.
Where do all of the fish live? In Finland.
What is a fish’s favorite reggae band? Bob Marley and the Whalers.
Who does the fish turn to when his piano stops working? The piano tuna.
What type of fish do you need when the weather freezes? Skate.
Why don’t oysters share their pearls? Because they’re shellfish.
What type of music is best to hear while fishing? Anything catchy.
What happens when you mix a gym sock with a fishing lure? Hook, line, and stinker.
What is the fastest fish in the ocean? The one who got away.
Why can’t you fish from outer space? Because you can only use earthworms.
What type of fish will never shut up? A big-mouthed bass.
Where does a goldfish go on holiday? Around the globe.
Where do fishermen go to get their hair cut? The bobber shop.
What did the waiter say when the fish told him the food tasted funny? That’d be the clownfish.
Why do fishermen tell such fantastical stories? They like a whale of a tail.
What did the fish say after he paid his bail? I am off the hook!
What do you call a fish in heels? So-FISH-ticated.
What happened to the cold jellyfish? It set.
What happened when the fish listened to loud music? It gave him a haddock.
Why did the chef quit his job at the diner? He had bigger fish to fry.
What did the ocean say to the sand? Nothing, it just waved.
What does the pope like to eat during Lent? Holy mackerel.
What do you use to make an octopus laugh? Ten-tickles.
What is the best way to try catching a fish? Have someone throw one at you.
What did the magician say to the fishmonger? Pick a cod, any cod.
Did you hear the story about the goldfish who filed for bankruptcy? He turned into a bronze fish.
Why was the dolphin feeling so disgruntled? He couldn’t find his porpoise.
Why don’t fish listen? They have herring problems.
Why do fish always give their best effort? They really put their heart and sole into everything.
Why do oysters go to the gym? It’s good for mussel.
What did the fish say when he moved in to his house? Do you like my new plaice?
What do fish use when they are going deaf? A herring aid.
What is the scariest thing in the ocean? A serial kriller.
I would tell you a joke about fish and herbs but… This isn’t the thyme or plaice.
Why did the fish pause mid-sentence? Because after three seconds he forgot what he was talking about.
Just a Few More Fishy Lines…
Need just a few more puns about fish? Another dip into the aquarium puns before you go? This handful of clever fish puns will keep you laughing just a little longer.
My dad was a fisherman, but he quit because his net income wasn’t enough.
Most fish will tell you they like their food cold, and their bait a little worm.
Keep your friends close and your anemones closer.
I only fish on days that end in “Y.”
DJ’s aren’t allowed to work at fish markets because they’re always dropping the bass.
Lady: Is this river any good for fish? Fisherman: It must be because I can’t make any of them leave it.
One Last Joke to String You Along
When a monastery got into trouble, it had to sell fish and chips to make money. A customer knocked on the door and a monk opened it. The customer said, “Are you guys the fish friar?” The monk answered, “No, I’m the chip monk.”
Oh, all right. That’s enough of the best fish puns. I’ll scale back.